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A  Journey

I haven’t shown my hurt
I haven’t shown my fears
I haven’t shown the pain
that’s been growing through the years

I haven’t said my wants
I haven’t shown my needs
It’s all been deep inside
like a garden full of weeds

Anxiety is there
always close beside
ruling all my life
from it I cannot hide

Guilt is there as well
as a Siamese-like twin
Against these awful siblings
I feel I cannot win

How can I be free
to breathe and live my life
when these twins are by my side
always ready with their knife?

Both inherited while small
then adopted as my own
Though planted by another,
Oh how those seeds have grown!

They wrap around my throat
They stifle all my screams
They govern my direction
and vanish all my dreams

They lay about my body
in lumps of fat and skin
– keeping all the pain inside
and letting no light in

This weight’s been on me from a child
drowning me, killing me
hiding my truth from the world
so on-one else can see

Though I start to see it now,
this darkness deep inside,
I SEE this shadow in the dark
it can no longer hide

In seeing it, I have a chance
to strip away its power,
then I’ll emerge again as me
– a trampled though resilient flower

I’ll turn my broken petals
and I’ll face towards the sun
I’ll let its warmth enfold me
– the darkness it will shun

My cells will swell with nurture
My stem will grow up strong
My roots will hang on to the truth
– I was never truly “wrong”

The Earth will give me courage
to accept all that is me
In doing so the cloud will lift
and I’ll at last be free

[with love to all those going through
their own journey – Kath x]

Creation date estimated.

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